Hurt People Hurt People

The saying "hurt people hurt people" is a gentle reminder that people who are at peace with themselves and the world generally do not engage in hostility and violence. If someone says or does something rude, harmful or even injurious to me, I can bet that person has some emotional thorn in his or her spirit. This doesn't excuse mean or harmful behavior but it reminds me that its source is a person who is hurting at a deep level.

Again, this insight doesn't mean that I am able to easily excuse someone who is acting like a jerk. But it's so easy to simply objectify a person like this rather than remembering that everybody hurts and some people deal with this pain worse than others. If I can remember that this kind of acting-out is a form of sickness (which I have exhibited all too often in my own life) then I am more likely to seek some sort of connection with the deeper level of that person and to treat him or her more as a real human being than I may otherwise want to do.

There's a saying sometimes heard in 12-step meetings that goes: "I'm not a bad person trying to be a good person, I'm a sick person trying to get well." This pretty well sums up the difference between objectifying and understanding a person who is engaging in emotionally hurtful behavior. Either this is essentially my enemy (or at least a hindrance) to be defended against, or its a fellow human with some degree of emotional or spiritual sickness (or at least unease) in need of some way to heal.

When I realize this I can provide a little medicine in the form of some understanding, empathy or support, and I can protect my own ego from harm by trying not to take the situation overly personally. It's silly to invest a sick or hurt person with too much power over me, but that's exactly what I do I put serenity at their mercy. Finally, it helps me to recognize all the times I've let my own hurts affect the way I've treated others. The same shoe fits a lot of feet!

What can you do today to provide a little touch of healing in a sick world?

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