Wisdom Quote: Live Forward and Understand Backward

Life must be understood backwards; but... it must be lived forward.
--Soren Kierkegaard

It's human nature to want to understand what's happening in our life. We can usually tell ourselves or anyone who cares to listen a story about "what's going on" at any particular time. How we understand a situation tends to shape our perceptions, which in turn influences our actions and emotions. We're perpetually making meaning out of the world and our place in it. That's what brains do.

But this quote reminds us that we often don’t see the big picture until we've gained some perspective that can only develop with time and experience. Think back over your life and you'll probably be able to come up with a number of important turning points and learning opportunities that you can now appreciate to be richer than you could have possibly imagined when you were living through them.

I often have clients who desperately want to understand why some event is happening in their lives. I'm not opposed to the quest for understanding: I think it's a fine thing to have. But sometimes it's just going to be like the dog chasing its tail. There are plenty of alternatives to understanding, and the most important is often simple acceptance. I've seen plenty of situations in which the quest for understanding served as a way to avoid acceptance of a painful reality.

You don't have to know what's going on to do something about it. Faith is a great tool for operating in the absence of understanding. Sometimes I don't know why something is happening but as the Red Hot Chili Peppers sang, "overcome and more will always be revealed". The absence of understanding also forces me out of my own head and toward others I seek out for comfort and counsel. This is a healthy step I'm not nearly as likely to do when I think I've got everything all figured out.

Inescapable life fact: there will always be more that you don't know than what you do. "Not knowing" will therefore always be a larger set than "knowing". If you can comfortably live in the "not knowing" then you will gain access to more of life than can possibly be contained in what you (think you) know.

There will be all the time you need to understand the depth and richness of your life, but first you have to live it. The moment is always past: understanding rides on the caboose of experience rather than the engine (despite the ego's claims) which means you can see your journey's vast landscape only after you pass through it. So remember Kierkegaard's quote when you catch yourself trying to fully understand the meanings, motives, relationships, influences and other 'whatnot' of your life. Otherwise you'll be at risk for making stuff up in order to convince yourself you understand everything, and in the process you'll miss countless opportunities to learn many inspirational and reassuring messages about yourself.
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