Sometimes clients describe situations in which they are arguing with another person in their lives (usually a significant other) where it seems like everything they say or do gets turned against them. At such times I may ask if they've ever watched a Japanese monster movie such as Mothra, Gamera or Godzilla. Such monsters are generically called "kaiju", Japanese for "strange beast". I bring this up because one of the qualities of many kaiju is the ability to absorb whatever energy is used to try to stop them. Bullets, bombs, even atomic explosions just make them larger and more powerful. Some people act the same way in arguments. Whatever you throw at them will only feed their destructive energy. It's unfair, it's verbally abusive, it's jerk-like behavior, but none of that matters when it's happening. The best thing to do is to recognize what you are up against and pull the plug. Walk away.
At most you have one shot to say "that's verbally abusive, stop it or I'm leaving this discussion." If the other person says something "what are you talking about" you have the option to say "look me in the eyes: stop treating me like that". If they continue to argue unfairly, walk out of the room. Anything else is feeding Godzilla.
Patricia Evans is a therapist and author who has written a lot of useful information about verbally abusive people who attempt to control others. She has a helpful website for more information on this important subject. I'm not attempting to give an overview on how to respond to the kaiju in your life, but I hope this image is useful in helping you see them for what they are.
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