All Goodbyes Are Hellos

There was a popular book that came out about 20 years ago called Necessary Losses, written by Judith Viorst (who also wrote several children's books such as the classic Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!) It did a nice job of describing many of the inevitable losses we all face in our lives, starting with the realization that we aren't inseparable from Mommy (by the way, I read once that the most powerful subliminal sentence to induce a state of tranquility is "Mommy and I are one")all the way through to the end of our own health and eventually life itself. Since the human experience is so filled with loss, how we handle ourselves during these times is very important.

I've often held that you can't have less of something without having more of something else. Being less self-centered is to be more giving, less anxious is more serene, and so on. Taken to the fullest extent, every loss we experience is also the start of something new.

I'm not trying to minimize pain, anguish, sorrow and grief. Life is not all happy silver linings around those dark clouds. John Lennon sang "I don't know why you say goodbye/I say hello" and that didn't keep him from getting shot in the head (I hesitate being so blunt, but there it is). But our ability to walk forward into the fullness of what comes next amid the loss of what is left behind, while no magic talisman against loss and bereavement, brings us into a new phase of our life with the wisdom born of experience. (Another helpful quote that has stayed with me for years: "The price tag of wisdom is loss of innocence.")

On a very deep level I think we all fear abandonment, and "goodbyes" without "hellos" leave us destitute and forlorn way more than is good for us. Saying hello to what comes to you is an act of bravery, courage, honor and resolve. These are words that can seem outdated, almost archaic, but they carry a lot of weight when the chips are down. So say hello. Read the words of the 6th century poet Rumi:

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even is they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
he may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

--------------
If you like this post (and I hope you do) please visit my primary professional website for related articles on emotional growth and development, individual and couples counseling, successful living tips, counseling, essays and observations about psychotherapy and change, recovery from sex addiction and many other interesting and useful topics..