Like a small stream that turns into river, the collection of "therapeutic distinctions" that I began writing has continued to grow! Here is another set of useful comparisons of concepts that can guide personal growth.
Small vs. big – I often point out to clients that many times "small IS big". We all love the Big Change, the 180 degree turn-around, and those are certainly possible to achieve. But so many times it is the smallest of changes that signal the promise of more good things to come. The first tender shoot that comes out of the garden in the springtime is cause for celebration, even if it looks like a weed to the untrained eye. Small changes need to be nurtured, cared for, and honored in order to blossom into the big results in life.
Process vs. outcome – Of course, the bottom line of changing our behavior is often to get a different outcome. We want what we do to matter in the world. But often it is just as important – more so, even – to engage in an action because the principle behind it is worthwhile, regardless of whether it actually results in an outcome others will notice. It's important not become slaves to outcome at the expense of the process.
Questions vs. answers – Often times I hear clients asking themselves very important question: Am I a loser? What does my life mean? Am I ready for this? I think those are great questions, and I challenge people to dare to give themselves healthy, affirming answers. I believe it was Victor Frankl who held that mankind has long stood on a hilltop calling out to the heavens to reveal his purpose in life. For thousands of years man has found answers in various religious dogmas. The question, according Frankl, remains as relevant as ever, only its direction has reversed. Now it is the heavens asking us those same questions. It’s time to grow up and dare to affirm our own answers. Again to evoke Frankl, are we awaiting something from life, or is life awaiting something from us?
Misery vs. suffering – By this distinction I am putting forth the idea that misery may be something to avoid but suffering is soemthing to overcome. Sometimes we have to suffer for something that we believe, if we are not to betray ourselves.
Secrecy vs. privacy - A secret is something we dare not share with others, often because of a deep sense of shame or fear. This is not the same as keeping certain information private because of fundamental personal autonomy.
Miracle vs. magical – Although it doesn’t often come up in my session work with clients, I find the distinction between the magical and the miraculous to be personally valuable. While both seem to transcend the laws of logic or physics, magic is performed by a person while the source of a miracle is the divine. A similar distinction occurs between the terms “lucky” and “blessed”. These are perhaps best described as perceptual distinctions, i.e. one person’s lucky is another person’s blessed, your magic is my miracle.
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